How to be a Perfect Bachelor?

Foreword : Don’t panic ;) …for 2 reasons

1. We have moved to WordPress,to explore the world in better ways. 2. I have tried my hand at drawing. (You can click on images for fullscreen viewing).

Some of the images are taken from http://xkcd.com/. I had not mentioned this earlier because it seemed very obvious :). The fact that I wrote this post and copied even the drawing style was sort of a homage to the xkcd guy, Randall Munroe.Hope this clears things up. Go ahead :)

Being a bachelor is bliss.And not the Ignorance-is-bliss wala bliss.  How I wish I could continue the same lifestyle forever(I choose my words carefully there and said “lifestyle”, not “life”). Oh wait, why am I talking in this sad and forlorn tone? Hehe, no worries yet. Mom is still in her Stage 1 (coaxing, telling me affectionately that I should get married). But once she goes into her Stage 2 Release (emotional blackmail), the situation will get grim. Even if I survive that stage somehow, she’ll eventually unleash her ultimate Stage 3 Release (crying,tears blah blah). That will be the end of my resistance. But before something like that happens and I run for my dear life to escape her fury and plunge into the labyrinth of marital life, I want to leave behind a legacy.To my fellow geeky bachelors:)

There are a  few golden rules while being a bachelor.I admit I cannot call myself a perfect bachelor and I’ve known guys who with sheer genius have taken bachelorhood to colossal levels. But I have been given the resources and the responsibility here. And because I’ve seen Spiderman 1……Er….

With great power comes great responsibility
(memorable words from a fellow bachelor, Mr.Peter Parker)

Rule 1: Remember this while choosing a place to live – The fridge, the TV & you / Your PC (assuming you are always at the PC) form the sides of an isosceles triangle, at the least. More concisely,

dist (you to TV) = dist (you to fridge)
An equilateral triangle with side=6 would be sheer awesomeness. Pay extra rent if you discover such a place.

Rule 2:  Ensure at least 90% items in the fridge are beyond their expiry dates at any given point of time. And when you them so, don’t just throw them away randomly. Be a man of principle.

You will do well to have your math in place.

Rule 3: Theory of Relativity : Cleanliness is relative. Measure the cleanliness and wear-ability of your clothes only relative to others in the pile.

R-E-M-E-M-B-A : A spotlessly clean shirt is impossible to achieve.

Rule 4:  Cockroaches are FAMILY.Never harm a cockroach harmlessly passing you. If you have just seen a violent action flick and have adrenaline flowing out of you, respectfully yell at the cockroach to stop,face him,give him the respect he deserves by  bowing to him and only THEN smack.

And never forget to give a fitting funeral to the martyrs of war.

Rule 5: DO NOT waste internet bandwidth. Always keep downloading movies. Just keep piling them up but never actually watch them.

That was for you ,Vini :)

Rule 6 : When you decide to cook, don’t tell anyone what you are planning to cook. Let them decide what it is after they have tasted it. You never know what you might invent ;)

Wanna try my new Kesari bhath Pongal??? ;)

Rule 7: Never pay the rent on time. Atleast not before 20th of the month.Why,you ask? You think being a bachelor has anything to do with being reasonable?

Next month : Chaos Theory, Yeah babbby!

Rule 8 : Newton’s first law rocks! An object in a state of rest continues to be in a state of rest (on all weekends).  “Object in a state of motion”?Nope. Haven’t heard of such a thing.

Ah,who am I kidding??? Superman has sparking super-underpants. And 3 movies.

Peers & friends,let us all contribute in creating a new generation of lazy,apathetic & good-for-nothing bachelors who will be a beacon to carry forward the entire world.Suggest rules which I might’ve missed and worthy ones will find a place in history,like the above 8 rules (:D)


P.S: There is no drawing for Rule 1. Courtesy Rule 8
P.P.S : I feel my chances of finding a gal will dwindle considerably after all this. Maybe I’ll strive to attain Nirvana through bachelorhood. Err….Touchwood :P


Advertisements

29 responses to “How to be a Perfect Bachelor?

  1. he he yeah dude…u got it right….u sabotaged ur own 3C gal finding probability today! :D….. GattimeLa ..GattimeLa! :D…..

  2. Full points to you.
    A very well written blog.

    Only 17 times?
    Man, we oughta watch that movie more and often. ;)

    Anyways,
    Is the guy in the last comic supine or is he face-down.
    And if he is face-down, what is he doing? ;)

    Aside: You’ll not be forgiven for having used “Don’t Panic” when you are not a fan of Douglas Adams or THHTTG. Heck, You haven’t seen the movie. x(

  3. @Ash,
    3C gal nahi toh koi aur hi sahi ;). And C-cubed seems cooler than 3C. Anyways I want ou to stop this 3C whatever thing fully :-P :-P

    @Vini,
    Yeah yeah, until SinCity 2 comes along!!! :-D
    That guy is not lying face-down. Don’t imagine too much,dirty mind :-P
    And about THHTTG, its about the big picture buddy. We are fans of all things geeky and spectacular ;-)

  4. Kudos Maga !!!
    Nice blog This is. Really thoughts Here are. Appreciate you for this I.

    But more than the blogs, I really liked the cute Pics :)

    And I really wonder whos that sharing ur choc in Rule No.3 at office !!!??? Options are not plenty though ;)

  5. @John,
    Very true sir.Very true ;)

    @Sri,
    Maga, did u watch Star wars recently? U r speaking like Yoda :-D.Thanks for the appreciation BTW :))
    And kudos to you too on recognizing that gal ;)

    @Hari,
    Hey thanks for stopping by!You must be sad reading this post,now that you on the brink of losing your bachelorhood :D. I hope you’ll come back on the blog for an interview :D

  6. At last!

    Something different by you ;-)

    I liked the Stick drawings. Bisibele Khara bath – would like to check that out :-P

    I find that not much has changed for me in life. Sometimes only rule 3 does not work for me :-( The rest is still the same.

  7. Hey awesome blog :) all ur drawing practice has paid off :D
    Do you follow rule 4? How come there are still lot of cockroaches at ur place :D
    and bisibele khara bhaath. yuck…ur mom wont be too proud of you :P

    and last but not the least ..yippeee I can comment in this blog from office !!!! (not BLOCKED yet :D )

  8. @Divya,
    I guess we r not watching enough action movies then :D
    Khaa bhaath has been a thorn in my flesh ever since times immemorial. I have never mastered the stupid dish. And I actually like it :P

    @Aditya,
    :) And miraculously,they r actually tasty.Right? :D

  9. Good one dude… your blog was actually suggested by a friend of mine,Aditya.. probably ur too.. I rekon! :D Aaaaanyway…. **A royal bow** to all the rules.. voila! and may be u shud’ve picked a rule or 2 from the Bro Code! :D

  10. Hey Pavan,

    This is one of your better posts. A more complete wholesome one. Never knew you could draw ;)

    You may wanna include a modified version of 3rd law :P also

    So is there a sequel to this ?

  11. Hi Pavan,

    Nice blog, liked the stickmen. That’s another plus of being a bachelor – being a stick. Once you get married you become like a banyan tree trunk.

  12. Ha ha. :) Thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I was wondering what excuse you would have for not having a drawing for rule 1.

    And I do agree, your chances at girl-finding have not only dwindled, they must be in negatives now. :)

  13. Hey!!

    Thought I’d visit your blogpost too, after seeing your comment on mine :)

    Awesomely funny post, especially the rent one.

    You’ll repent this one day, when a girl will come only to unwind just ALL of this.. No mercy even for the poor cockroaches.

    Anyway, great stress-buster, though I’m not stressed!!

    Cheers!

  14. I agree with g2 :-P You might want to change the clean shirts theory and the cockroach theory if you want to experience the women part of a bachelors life…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s