Patch Releases Available!

Updated 20/03/11 7:16AM IST
We are glad to inform that patch releases are now available for both Man v2.3 & Woman 2.3 . Its a major,major release for us and god knows how we have slogged through nights and burnt weekend oils to get you this patch.Take a look at the features and updates below. You can download it directly from our website. ChaosisForever.com.

ATTENTION: WE FEEL CONFIDENT THAT THIS WILL NOT HARM YOUR DEVICE BUT WE (CHAOSISFOREVER.COM) WILL NOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES THAT COULD OCCUR FROM RUNNING THIS UPDATE. THIS WILL ALSO VIOLATE YOUR WARRANTY SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND ENJOY!

Brought to you by the Team @Chaosisforever.com
Special thanks to all my imperfect friends who have been my inspiration,always :-).

New Features added/ Bugs fixed:

Man v2.3 Patch Release 1.0.3

1) Improved compatibility with Wife/Girlfriend(WiGi) 2.1. ( WiGi application is far from stable yet. It will crash randomly causing problems to your system. What the new patch will do is put you in sleep mode for 60 sec cutting off all wireless connectivity. If WiGi 2.1 is still behaving abnormally after 60 sec,your system will turn itself off and has to be restarted manually. This is the best solution we can give as of now.)

2) Added color detection capability to the system. This is a major enhancement. The capability has now increased from 7 colors to 68 colors now.You will now be able to identify colors you knew existed but had never seen before (like mauve,amber,peach,mustard etc) in a flash. And you will be able to tell the difference between violet and purple.

3) Sensors for detecting and alerting when these people enter within 200 meters radius – Your boss,hot gal,cute gal,any gal & Dolly Bindra.

4) Option to set alarm/reminder for amount of time spent in couch switching channels. This is an awesome way to know just how big a couch potato you actually are. What’s more,you can’t trick the app into resetting the alarm by just switching off your TV with the remote. You will have to do it the hard way. Actually getting up and powering off the TV.

5) Fixed the “inadvertently picking nose in public and realizing when its too late” bug

6) Fixed the “Monday morning blues” module. Works perfectly now without any crashes or force stops.

7) Fixed a bug where the system goes into hypnosis mode after listening to a gal’s voice and starts taking orders like a robot (except when its through WiGi). No more distractions from TV and games!

8) Removed spurious and potentially dangerous messages like “You look fat today”,”that chick is hot” seen often while running WiGi 2.1 program which got introduced after the latest hotfixes added to the program.

Woman v2.3 Patch Release 1.6.3.6.8.4

1) Improved compatibility with Husband/Boyfriend (HBo) 2.1. ( HBo application is as slow as ever. It still hangs and stops responding when TV 6.3.2 program is running in parallel. What the new patch will do is put you in sleep mode for 90 sec cutting off all wireless connectivity.If HBo 2.1 is still not responding after 90 sec, your only option is to load our most useful app “Tears 1.6.3”. [If you are still on 1.6.2, upgrade now for greater stability and improved results]. If even the “Tears” program doesn’t do the trick, then your only option is to kill the “Husband/Boyfriend” process from the Task Manager and restart it.)

2) Fixed all blues modules from Monday to Sunday. But other blues keep coming into the system and upsetting it for which there seems to be no definite pattern. This should be up in the next release or the one after that.

3) Fixed a bug where the system goes into a infinite loop of “cho chweet, cho cute” on spotting babies or Imran Khan.This has a dependency HBo 2.1 program which might get jittery. Now the loop is exited after 5 times of “cho chweet”.

4) Fixed the bug where the “Tears 1.6.2” gets loaded automatically when “Movies 1.6.2” was operated in “Romantic” or “Drama” mode.

5) Removed spurious messages like “not in the mood” or “I have a headache” which tend to cause Hbo 2.1 to go into a tizzy.

6) New Modules added “World affairs”, “Stock market”,”Sports”,”Gadgets” and a few more. Can be installed or uninstalled independently.

7) Improved the “Shopping spree” module. This is how it works : When you pick up any apparel, the algorithm will calculate what else exactly you have to buy and what color so that it matches the one you picked. And it does all this keeping in mind the stuff already rotting in your wardrobe,which is stored in the database.

We hope you have a great time with the new patch. We’ll keep you updated on the work being done here. Have fun!

ATTENTION: Please ensure that your system is charged to at least 50% before beginning this process and plug it in as well. If the system gets bricked after or during the update, please don’t panic. Call our customer service center (Saturday,Sunday holiday) and the executive will take you through the procedure to unbrick your system safely.

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A Crappy Questionnaire

I prepared this questionnaire just so I could bug few of my friends here into answering these crappy questions. So tagging Rashmi, Vini, John, Krish. You can change the gender in the questions as per your preferences. Also, anyone else wants to be tagged can let me know, or need not let me know. It’s upto you. Or you can answer any of the questions in the comments too ;). Below are my responses to my own questions :

What, in your opinion, are the 5 most over-rated things in recent times?

  1. Facebook – Facebook is like marriage. You know it’s all stupid out there, but you login anyway.
  2. Beer – I tasted it only recently,and I think people only have it because its cheap.
  3. Fair Skin – I only hope mom would realize this.
  4. Katrina Kaif – She is really pretty, but I don’t find her hot. More specifically, Munni can give Sheila a run for her money.
  5. Batman – The movies are great, but I still can’t believe anyone could be a superhero with no superpowers! There is some manipulation going on there.

What 3 wishes would you ask if you stumble across a genie on the way to work? (You can only ask for material things. No unrealistic things like perfect wife/husband, world peace etc. No loopholes such as more wishes,more genies etc. No asking money :P)

  1. A  transmogrifier (transform to anyone I want)
  2. A time machine
  3. An invisibility cloak.

….Muhahahahahaha.

What is the one singular deed would you like to do if you were given a chance to go back in time? (apart from Killing Hitler and (guys)one night with Helen of Troy,Cleopatra and all other hot chicks of the past)

Zoom off to the Cretaceous Period and hitch a ride on the T-Rex,of course!!!!

Tell us 3 things you wish you knew when you turned 18.

  1. That I won’t have found my gal even when I am 26,so I better start searching NOW.
  2. ASK. If you need help,if you don’t know something,ASK. I don’t have a count of how many things I might have screwed up just because I didn’t ASK.
  3. That there will come a time when something called reality TV will become a rage and we will have to watch stuff like this and this and  I will have to brace myself for it.

What are the 3 geekiest things about you?

  1. When I think no one is watching, I extend my hand and use the force to open automatic sliding doors.
  2. I love the movie From Dusk till Dawn not because it had a semi-nude Salma Hayek dancing, but because it had zombies.
  3. If someone writes “Your such a sweet guy”, 9 out of 10 times I’ll reply back saying “You’re“,even at the risk of contradicting their statement.

Tell us 3 things that make you go “Awwww”

  1. When you see a small kid standing at the bus stop clutching his parent’s finger, watching with a stricken face, as if fervently wishing for the school bus not to come.
  2. When you see an old couple sitting on a park bench, laughing.
  3. When you have a fight with your best friend(female), and then when you patch up,she asks you,”Did you miss me?”

What are the kinds of people you are biased against,possibly unreasonably:

  1. People who plan to settle abroad
  2. People who are too finicky about spending money
  3. Oriyas – Exaggeration. I do have a couple of Oriya friends :)

What is that one lie that you absolutely intend to tell your kids?

That if you watch TV for more than half hour at a stretch, the TV will vanish in a puff of smoke and we will no longer have a TV.

What 3 words would Dusshasana have said when Krishna started supplying silk sarees to Draupadi from above? (Those tagged can change this question. Answer will remain)

A.J.M (Akkan Just miss)

Which fictional characters do you identify most with?

  1. Ross Geller from FRIENDS
  2. Harry Potter

The gal sitting on the other side of the bus is giving you the looks. What do you do?
Blush heavily,try uncomfortably to make eye contact, fail miserably,look this side and that, try again,again blush heavily..and so on.

Any FFFFUUUUUUU moment happened to you recently?

My yoga master got me into this pose and started counting from 1 to 30,slowly. 1….2…..3…By the time the count reached 30, I went FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU…….

What song is playing in your head RIGHT NOW?
Hud hud Dabanng Dabanng Dabanng Dabanng Hud hud Dabanng…..

Crap!

Rajni-o-Rama

I sincerely hope this deadly set of original non-jokes (one or two modified) will spell an end to all Rajni-isms once and for all. Until his next movie that is.

  1. Google has officially announced it will replace “I’m feeling lucky” with “I feel I’m Rajnikanth”
  2. Once Rajnikanth got very angry and crushed a TV totally flat. Steve Jobs calls it the iPad.
  3. Rajnikanth was the chief guest at The Last Supper. He complained to Jesus about the oily masala dosa.
  4. Reputed economists felt that the country’s economy is highly dependent on the number of times Rajnikanth says “Mind it…Rascala” in a day. A count is being maintained now. Its called the Sensex.
  5. There is no spoon,because Rajnikanth is using the spoon to eat Idly Sambar.
  6. Why did Rajnikanth stop jogging? Because he went jogging once and landed in the year 3010 .
  7. Rajnikanth once hit Newton with an apple.
  8. Micheal Schumacher and Rajnikanth had a race. And guess what? Rajnikanth lost the race by .03 seconds!  If I have to mention, Micheal was in his Ferrari and Rajnikanth was sleep walking.
  9. Rajnikanth has watched Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag, one-and-a-half times.(Even Rajni couldn’t watch any more)
  10. What happens when Rajnikanth travels in  BMTC 201 bus? After getting down, his pockets will be filled with wallets.
  11. Rajnikanth gets sambar with dosa in MTR.Period.
  12. One day Balayya visited Rajnikanth and paid his respects. It was Teachers’ Day.
  13. Before Rajnikanth successfully created his clone “Chitti the Robot”, there were some failed and rejected prototypes. 1st one was called Superman, 2nd one Batman and the 3rd Spiderman.
  14. Every year,Rajnikanth sends Christmas gifts to only one person – The Santa Claus.
  15. Once Rajnikanth got sucked into a black hole….and walked out from the other end of it.
  16. Rajnikanth has never written a for loop in his life,because….. if Rajnikanth says 1 time, it is equal to Rajnikanth saying n times; n <= infinity.
  17. Rajnikanth’s law of Brownian motion : Bullets from the villain’s gun move in random directions and will eventually hit the villain and all his chamchas.
  18. Coffee with Karan changes its name for Rajnikanth episode – Chakara Pongal with Rajni.
  19. As a kid, Rajnikanth had a huge score to settle with another boy for stealing his toy airplane. The boy went into hiding and has been absconding ever since. His name is Osama Bin Laden.
  20. Christopher Nolan wanted to cast Rajnikanth in INCEPTION. But Rajni wanted slight changes in the plot – Rajni has a twin brother. Both incept into each other’s minds, they find two more twin brothers there in limbo, and together they incept again into each other’s minds. Then the bad guy enters. At this point, Nolan stopped Rajni and ran off to meet Leonardo Di Caprio.
  21. PI (22/7) insulted Rajnikanth long time ago. Since then, it is called an irrational number.
  22. The code of The Matrix has this as its first line :  #include<thalaivar.h>. That’s how Neo learnt KungFu.

How to be a Perfect Bachelor?

Foreword : Don’t panic ;) …for 2 reasons

1. We have moved to WordPress,to explore the world in better ways. 2. I have tried my hand at drawing. (You can click on images for fullscreen viewing).

Some of the images are taken from http://xkcd.com/. I had not mentioned this earlier because it seemed very obvious :). The fact that I wrote this post and copied even the drawing style was sort of a homage to the xkcd guy, Randall Munroe.Hope this clears things up. Go ahead :)

Being a bachelor is bliss.And not the Ignorance-is-bliss wala bliss.  How I wish I could continue the same lifestyle forever(I choose my words carefully there and said “lifestyle”, not “life”). Oh wait, why am I talking in this sad and forlorn tone? Hehe, no worries yet. Mom is still in her Stage 1 (coaxing, telling me affectionately that I should get married). But once she goes into her Stage 2 Release (emotional blackmail), the situation will get grim. Even if I survive that stage somehow, she’ll eventually unleash her ultimate Stage 3 Release (crying,tears blah blah). That will be the end of my resistance. But before something like that happens and I run for my dear life to escape her fury and plunge into the labyrinth of marital life, I want to leave behind a legacy.To my fellow geeky bachelors:)

There are a  few golden rules while being a bachelor.I admit I cannot call myself a perfect bachelor and I’ve known guys who with sheer genius have taken bachelorhood to colossal levels. But I have been given the resources and the responsibility here. And because I’ve seen Spiderman 1……Er….

With great power comes great responsibility
(memorable words from a fellow bachelor, Mr.Peter Parker)

Rule 1: Remember this while choosing a place to live – The fridge, the TV & you / Your PC (assuming you are always at the PC) form the sides of an isosceles triangle, at the least. More concisely,

dist (you to TV) = dist (you to fridge)
An equilateral triangle with side=6 would be sheer awesomeness. Pay extra rent if you discover such a place.

Rule 2:  Ensure at least 90% items in the fridge are beyond their expiry dates at any given point of time. And when you them so, don’t just throw them away randomly. Be a man of principle.

You will do well to have your math in place.

Rule 3: Theory of Relativity : Cleanliness is relative. Measure the cleanliness and wear-ability of your clothes only relative to others in the pile.

R-E-M-E-M-B-A : A spotlessly clean shirt is impossible to achieve.

Rule 4:  Cockroaches are FAMILY.Never harm a cockroach harmlessly passing you. If you have just seen a violent action flick and have adrenaline flowing out of you, respectfully yell at the cockroach to stop,face him,give him the respect he deserves by  bowing to him and only THEN smack.

And never forget to give a fitting funeral to the martyrs of war.

Rule 5: DO NOT waste internet bandwidth. Always keep downloading movies. Just keep piling them up but never actually watch them.

That was for you ,Vini :)

Rule 6 : When you decide to cook, don’t tell anyone what you are planning to cook. Let them decide what it is after they have tasted it. You never know what you might invent ;)

Wanna try my new Kesari bhath Pongal??? ;)

Rule 7: Never pay the rent on time. Atleast not before 20th of the month.Why,you ask? You think being a bachelor has anything to do with being reasonable?

Next month : Chaos Theory, Yeah babbby!

Rule 8 : Newton’s first law rocks! An object in a state of rest continues to be in a state of rest (on all weekends).  “Object in a state of motion”?Nope. Haven’t heard of such a thing.

Ah,who am I kidding??? Superman has sparking super-underpants. And 3 movies.

Peers & friends,let us all contribute in creating a new generation of lazy,apathetic & good-for-nothing bachelors who will be a beacon to carry forward the entire world.Suggest rules which I might’ve missed and worthy ones will find a place in history,like the above 8 rules (:D)


P.S: There is no drawing for Rule 1. Courtesy Rule 8
P.P.S : I feel my chances of finding a gal will dwindle considerably after all this. Maybe I’ll strive to attain Nirvana through bachelorhood. Err….Touchwood :P