Celeb resolutions

My friend Vinay calls me Paparazzi Potter. Motivated by the nick name, I have been doing some paparazzi work off late and have come across some interesting gossip,sorry truth,truth and nothing but truth. 2009 has seen many controversies and our celebrities have made resolutions for 2010.I have learned about some of these resolutions from our so called celebrities. Let’s have a look.

Our honorable Minister of State, Shashi Tharoor has resolved to work for the External ministry through twitter only. So in the future, you may find tweets like these on Tharoor’s page :

•  Me n SMK (SM Krishna) met our Chinese cntrparts for dinner. I asked them to open their eyes and LOLd
•  Writing this report while watching ‘Dawn of the Dead‘. Lyk it and hope I dont end up with a report on zombies ;)

Shiney Ahuja has decided to do all the household chores himself as it’ll keep him occupied while being jobless and it will serve another bigger purpose too, of introspection.No maids in 2010!

Kareena Kapoor was the only one in the country who actually understood what problem Shiv Sena had with this poster of Kurbaan–>
So her resolution for 2010 is have a poster with the positions reversed.She said in a press meet “I am sure the Shiv sainiks will have no complaints after this”

Pramod Mutalik‘s new year resolution is simple and straightforward. Attack more girls in public. According to a source, the Pink chaddi campaign didn’t live upto their expectations and the party seniors are complaining that many cadres haven’t got even one pink chaddi yet while the more powerful and influential ones are keeping all the chaddis

Barack Obama‘s resolution is  to not do or say something which will get him another Nobel prize this year. “I will strive my level best,” says a press release from Washington D.C. quoting the US President, “but I cannot guarantee that the Nobel committee will not decide to confer me the Peace Prize again. They are nice people.Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. Oh, I digress”

Tiger Woods has a resolution too . But just as he was announcing it, he saw a blonde passing by and before they could catch him, he was gone.

Satyam’s RamaLinga  Raju has other plans. He has just watched Shawshank Redemption in jail and now is planning to reprise Andy Dufrense’s character in real life, but in a much professional and polished way than digging a hole for 20 years. He has planned to manipulate the records in the jail so much that there is will be no evidence that he was ever in jail. And finally he’ll make a dramatic escape, something like in this pic.

In midst of all this, one man has made a silent resolution to himself. Or I wish he has. Hit a century in every match :D. Sachin Tendulkar : Switch to GODMODE!

Any other celebs whose resolutions you would wanna know? ;)

Happy New Year everyone! Let the FUN continue :)

Phone Call…

(Manu Singh is plucking at a flower,looking forlorn)
“He loves me… He loves me not…He loves me.. He loves me not… “

“Manu Saar, how long will you keep waiting for his call? You haven’t had a grain of rice since last fifteen days. He got elected as the President just 15 days back. He will call you… Hundradantonty percent! Come now, the paranthas are getting cold…”

“I just hope the other guy hasn’t forgotten to tell this guy about our deal before leaving. I have serious doubts about the previous guy’s memory. When the deal was being inked, he was telling me a joke about Spiderman & Superman . I didn’t get the joke but guffawed anyway and said Sunny Deol is the best” (Gets up to fetch the paranthas)

Trrinngg.. Trrinnnng….Trrrinnngg…

“Thats Mr.O calling!(gleefully) Manu saar, didn’t I tell you they all love you!? Here… “

(Manu comes back running and picks the receiver)

“Hello Mr.O!”

“Hellooo Manu!”

(in a complaining voice)“So finally you remembered me,Mr.O???”

“I’m really sorry Manu. You know I’ve been very busy since last 15 days, moving into the new HOUSE,setting up the house, painting it with white, all that you see…”

“You had to paint THE house WHITE???”

“Yes, the previous occupant had stayed for too long and had left too many marks. When I reached the house and was about to enter it,I saw right on the door was written in huge bold letters – ‘B was here.B didn’t wanna leave.They threw B out’. And there were other quotes too on the walls inside the house.So it look a hell-lot-of time to white wash the house and settle down”

“I see,I see. And what is this I hear Mr.O? You called up the neighborhood guy before calling me and spoke to him for a whole 20 minutes. A clear shift of interests?”(in a complaining & disapproving voice again)

“Hellooo..Manu…Helloo….I can’t hear you.Can you speak up a bit?”

(Manu hesitates)“Ok. I am very relieved and happy with your answer…”

“My pleasure!”

“Mr.O,what do you think of our Chandrayaan?(proudly)Isn’t it a phenomenal achievement?”

(Mr.O LOLs)“Oh that was hilarious,dude. Awesome movie. I was not able to catch a few lines here and there because of the language but the song & dance was totally cool…”

(Manu remains serene as usual)“Umm..Err…Cool. Coming to serious issues,how do you plan to stem the economic slowdown of the country,Mr.O?”

“YES!WE CAN!”

“Wow! And issues like terrorism,global warming etc, how do we tackle them???”

“Manu,dont you worry! I have a solid plan .The plan is ….umm…YES!WE CAN!”

“One question, Mr.O . Everyone seems to be very inspired by your ‘Yes,we can’ quote. How did you come up with such an inspirational quote?”

“Ah, that one? Well, to be frank,the morning I was to give a public speech,my wife was pestering me about taking our pet dog to the veterinarian. She called up again while I was in the midst of the speech. I picked up the phone & yelled into the mike ‘YES!WE CAN!’. And,the rest,as they say, is history”

“Fascinating story. Now, when are you giving us the opportunity to give you a taste of the great Indian hospitality, Mr.O? Can you smell the hot hot paranthas I’ m having while talking to you?”

“Oh Manu!Stop with the jokes! You’re killing me…”

(Manu chuckles)“You haven’t yet told when told will be your visit to India?”

“Hellooo..Helloo..I can’t hear you Manu….”

“But I can hear your voice crystal clear Mr.O. Helloo, can you hear me now? So when will you be coming to India to…”

“Helloo..Manu..Helloo..Cant hear ya.. TTYL…Yes,we can…Ciao…”

(Phone disconnects)

“Mr.O is a great man..At least he called…”

P.S. : Not totally off-topic, The Shawshank Redemption totally rocks! ;)